


Innocence

by LuciaGuilt



Category: Sharja, Tarja, Within Temptation (Band)
Genre: F/F, Secrets and hidden feelings, Some fighting, Things went south, but - Freeform, they're trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25715197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciaGuilt/pseuds/LuciaGuilt
Summary: Everything fell apart between Sharon and Tarja, but is it too late to try to reconcile?
Relationships: Sharja - Relationship, Sharon den Adel/Tarja Turunen
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first multichapter Sharja fanfic. I don't own any lyrics at the end of the chapters.

She couldn’t focus. Her steps were wobbly and mind was fogged. She had a hard time to see where she was going and not bump into light posts. Few people were looking at her worried as she passed by, trying to ask something, but she couldn’t understand a word. She had to keep walking. After turning around a corner, she paused to glance her phone if she was still on the right way. She sighed heavily, and continued with great determination. She tried to ignore her irregular heartbeat, sweat streaming down her back, and the aching pain all over her exhausted body. After few more turns she saw the exact place she’d been looking for. With her final strength she dragged her heavy suitcase through a small garden and placed it next to the door. She had to lean to the wall and ring the door bell with shaking hands. It took a minute until she heard someone opening the door. Her emerald eyes met the deep brown ones. The woman standing at the threshold looked shocked. 

She opened her mouth to explain her presence, but managed only blurt out:

“Sha-ron…”

Unfortunately, then her world started to spin and her knees gave up. Darkness surrounded her.

When she came to, Sharon was holding her head and looking confused. 

“Jesus Tarja you scared me!” Sharon huffed, and started to help the other woman up. 

“I-I’m sorry…” Tarja mumbled, still feeling light headed and tired. With left hand Sharon was dragging Tarja’s suitcase, and with right one she supported Tarja’s shaky steps. After Tarja had sat down on the couch Sharon went to close the door. Tarja sat there, in the middle of a cozy living room full of decorative items, wondering when was the last time she had been in that place. Nearly nothing had changed, but she couldn’t help noticing how Sharon had hidden the pictures of Robert and her behind the other photo frames. She frowned to herself and felt a wave of regret. Maybe it had been a mistake to travel to see Sharon. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Sharon’s sharp voice:

“Here, I brought you some water.” Sharon sat next to her and stared at Tarja with one eyebrow raised. Tarja sipped some water and tried to gather her thoughts. 

“Why did you come to pass out to my doorstep? I would’ve expected some kind of information beforehand. You’re lucky I was home.” Sharon’s voice was chilly, but it was all Tarja had expected. She put the glass back on the table and faced Sharon. Usually her eyes were full of laughter, joy, friendliness and warmth, but now they were cold, harsh and distant. Sharon looked like she hadn’t slept well for ages. Tarja sighed and said:

“Look… Sharon. I’m sorry I never announced about my visit but I was kind of forced to come here.” Tarja felt the hint of a pain waking up in her chest. It was the same pain that had been lurking there for a while. 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“I mean… Marcelo wanted a divorce… and I had no choice other than leave Argentina.” Tarja was too afraid to hold the glass of water again, because her hands had started to shake badly. She tried to hold back tears.

“I see. Why didn’t you go back to Finland?” Sharon asked. Tarja sensed mild confusion in her voice.

“Because… I don’t even know. I don’t have anyone in Finland who understands me. I bought the flight tickets here without really being myself. Sharon, I also wanted to see you, I wanted to know how you were doing.” For a moment Sharon didn’t say anything, but then she scoffed and said:  
“We agreed to this. We would not contact each other anymore.”

“I know, but believe me, I have tried to stop myself calling to you, contacting you. It’s agonising. I had to come.” Sharon glanced Tarja with a dangerous look in her eyes and said:  
“Agonising? Should be, since you know very well why both of our men are gone now. You were the one who wanted to fool around and drink on tour, on that one goddamn night. If I hadn’t been drunk I would’ve never agreed to sleep with you! Because of that stupid mistake Robert wanted to shatter our relationship and looks like you’ve joined in to the club. At least now you know how it feels like.” 

Tarja felt the hot tears running down on her cheeks as she sobbed:  
“I know and I am so sorry, I wish I could fix everything. I miss you Sharon. I h-hate what happened, I hate that it all broke our connection, but I c-can’t be the only one blamed here! I never forced that drink down your throat, I never forced you to have sex with me. I know it’s all wrong but we can sort this.”

“I’m starting to have the feeling you did not come here to fix things or search for a sanctuary. You just wanted to come here to open all the wounds.” Sharon said and looked sad and defeated.

“That’s not my intention. P-please, give me a chance. Give me a chance to a-assure you I don’t want to hurt you. I- I’m too tired of this war, and I know you are too.” Tarja couldn’t control her sobbing and the flowing tears. To her surprise, she saw tears in Sharon’s eyes too. She cleared up her throat and said:

“I am tired of this, you’re right in that. But to be honest, I am not sure if we can ever be the same again, yet I wish to be relieved from this burden. You can stay here for a while, but if this won’t work out, I need to ask you to leave.”

Tarja was surprised to get even a little bit of mercy from the other woman, but nodded.   
“That’s all I can ask.” Tarja said, searching for a tissue from her pocket. Sharon nodded and announced she was going to make dinner and Tarja could use the shower in the mean time. 

Tarja was feeling confused, but glad that Sharon didn’t kick her out. She still had hope in her chest, but the strangling feeling was fighting with it. The rest of the night they didn’t really talk, mostly when it was necessary. Sharon gave the guest room for Tarja to use, and after she was able to get under the covers, she felt slightly better. Tarja had no clue how to make things better between them two, but she figured first she had to try to understand Sharon’s point of view. She was clearly blinded by sadness and was trying to search for a culprit. Sharon had never been that mean towards her and her words weren’t her own. Not that Tarja was innocent but Sharon needed to realise how they were together in this mess, and together they could fight it. With heavy thoughts Tarja drifted into dream world, hoping to find answers in her sleep.

_Stay close to me  
Everything you knew  
Left with the wind  
In times like this we do  
You and me, breathe, to ignore the feeling  
Freedom, scream again_

_Tarja - Innocence_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimmer of hope in the darkness.

When Tarja opened her eyes she had hard time remembering where she was. Yesterday felt like just one big blurry moment. She reached for her cell phone on the nightstand and checked the time: 9:30. She laid back on her back and stared at the ceiling with empty eyes. Was Sharon already awake? And if she was, what was she going say to her, how would she start her nearly impossible mission to convince her to trust Tarja again?

“Hell, just say good morning you idiot.” Tarja mumbled to herself and started to get up. Suddenly she heard a loud yell from downstairs. Tarja froze and her heart started to beat really fast. The yell was followed with a bunch of Dutch swear words. It sounded like Sharon was very angry to someone over the phone. Slowly Tarja dressed up and added some make up, because she didn’t want to go down until the yelling had stopped. It was better to be on her toes and not to get on Sharon’s way. After she had brushed carefully her long, black hair, dressed up in black tank top and white shorts, Tarja finally tiptoed to downstairs. Sharon was sitting at the kitchen table, furiously writing a text message. Her fingers were flying over the phone so fast that it was nearly hypnotizing. Tarja stared at Sharon, until she noticed Tarja. 

“Ahem… good morning. I didn’t mean to stalk you or anything…” Tarja started to explain.

“It’s alright.” Sharon said and threw the phone on the table. She buried her head to her hands and looked like she was trying to teleport herself somewhere else with the power of thought.

“I heard you shouting, is everything okay?” Tarja asked with concerned voice. Sharon lifted her head and stared at the wall across the table.

“Yeah. Some annoying reporter, wanting to have an interview…” She mumbled. Somehow Tarja felt like Sharon wasn’t completely honest with her, but didn’t ask more. Sharon could be mean towards Tarja since she knew her so well, but reporters and interviewers were the last people on Earth Sharon treated badly. Suddenly Sharon rose, which startled Tarja a bit. She mumbled:

“I need to go buy some groceries.” And started to rummage the cabinets for a bag. Tarja watched Sharon for a while, pondering what she should do. She knew she had come up with a bad idea, but blurted anyway:

“Can I come with you? I need to buy some things for myself and I can pay half of the food.” Tarja knew too well that Sharon probably just wanted to be alone but something inside forced her to open her mouth. Sharon found a bag and closed the cabinet. She faced Tarja, but didn’t look her in the eyes, just quietly said:  
“Okay.”

Soon Tarja found herself sitting in Sharon’s car, on their way to the local supermarket. It was like she had come back home. Tarja used to spend nearly all her free time in the Netherlands with Sharon before things started to go wrong. They shopped things, cooked, sang, drank and had fun together. All that time Tarja had had difficulties to contain her feelings towards Sharon. The battle inside her had been enormous, since she had been married to Marcelo, but fell in love with someone else… It was something so tempting, but absolutely forbidden. All those times she had to hide her jealousy when Robert kissed Sharon, they had been gruesome. Tarja quickly glanced Sharon, who tried to change lane, drumming the steering wheel with her fingers. She knew that her feelings towards this gorgeous lady would never die. She felt the burn every single second she lived, she suffered silently in front of everyone. The night when she first time kissed Sharon, had been the happiest moment in her life. Not only she had been drunk of the wine they had been drinking, but also drunk of euphoria. Foolishly she had thought it meant something, especially when after sex they had just been holding each other until they fell asleep. Silently Tarja had whispered into Sharon’s ear her most protected and sacred secret. She never found out whether the other woman heard the confession, since the morning after started her journey to hell.

Sharon pulled to the parking lot of the familiar supermarket, to her usual parking spot. In the store they first agreed on what they wanted to eat and then gathered all the necessary products. Not once Tarja managed to make Sharon laugh, but a couple of times she saw her smiling. Even a small progress made Tarja to have more hope. After they were done with the groceries, Tarja went quickly to pick some toiletries and met Sharon in front of the supermarket. In silence they were walking towards Sharon’s car, when suddenly someone ran behind Tarja, grabbing onto her purse. Everything happened so fast she didn’t even realise what happened. As she tried to hold on to the purse, the guy who grabbed the purse pushed Tarja so that she fell to the ground. She tried to get up but stopped when she saw Sharon fighting with the guy yelling in Dutch:

“Give it back you asshole!”

She had dropped all the groceries and tackled the guy before he ran away and was now fighting to get the purse back. Luckily the security noticed the incident and came to help. They took the man into custody and changed few words with Sharon. As Tarja finally got up after the shock, she noticed her arm was bleeding. She had hit the ground so hard it had created a big wound. As the adrenalin was fading away, Tarja started also feel the stabbing pain. She tried not to cry as she breathed:

“Sharon… I think I need help.” As Sharon looked at Tarja, her eyes widened and she sprinted towards her. 

“Oh… That looks very bad. How much is it hurting?” Sharon asked with genuine worry in her voice. 

“A lot.” Tarja groaned and tried not to shake. 

“Let’s take you to hospital. I’ll put this around it for now.” Sharon took the scarf around her neck and started to wrap it around Tarja’s bleeding arm. 

“But it’s your scarf, it’ll be ruined!”

“Do you want to bleed to death?” Sharon asked strictly as she continued to tie the scarf.

“No…” Tarja sighed and groaned when the pain hit her again.

“Alright, done. Hop in to the car.” 

When they arrived to the hospital, they were told to wait since there were a lot more urgent patients needing medical attention. Sharon tried to argue with the nurse, but it was no use.

“Sharon, it’s alright. I can wait.” Tarja sighed and gestured Sharon to sit next to her. Sharon sat down mumbling something in Dutch. For a while they sat in silence, Tarja’s head full of thoughts. Finally she said:

“Thanks for helping me. I appreciate this since I’m causing a lot of trouble.” Sharon turned to face Tarja and finally looked straight into her eyes. During that moment Tarja felt her heartbeat fastening, and all the pain she was feeling faded to the background. A piece of the same old warmness was in her brown eyes again. Quietly Sharon said:

“I did what was right, I’m not an asshole like the robber was.” Tarja couldn’t help but let out a small giggle. Sharon raised an eyebrow and Tarja explained:  
“Well it was quite cool how you fought for my bag. You showed that bastard not to mess with you.”

Sharon smiled and said:  
“Yeah, well luckily I lift weights.” Tarja let out a small laugh again and was surprised to see Sharon to join in to her laughter. She had missed that adorable giggle so much. Without noticing, she landed her hand on Sharon’s hand. Their laughter stopped as they looked into each other’s eyes with great confusion. Tarja was so sure Sharon was going to get mad and pull her hand away, but on the contrary. She squeezed Tarja’s hand and started with a sad tone in her voice:

“Tarja… I need to tell you something.” Unfortunately the nurse had the worst timing when she came to announce it was Tarja’s turn. Sharon let go of her hand as Tarja rose and followed the nurse. She looked over her shoulder how Sharon stared at her with a sad look in her eyes and then lowered her head. With every step she took further from Sharon her anxiety levels rose. She had no clue at all what Sharon had meant. It was time to set her ship to sail with the wind.

_I saw our memories die  
Thought our dreams had lost their meaning  
But dreams still in my heart  
Are painting colours in the dark_

Tarja – Until Silence


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so everything goes to hell.

It only took 10 minutes to patch up Tarja. The doctor cleansed the wound and then put a bandage around it. She also got some painkillers for the pain, which already was milder. As Tarja was walking down the corridor, back to where Sharon was waiting, she was holding her blood stained scarf and couldn’t help but wonder what Sharon was trying to tell her earlier. Maybe she had already got enough of Tarja and just wanted her to pack her bags and leave. Tarja shook her head and refused to believe it. Sharon had shown compassion, and it seemed she still cared. She had seen the warmth in her eyes, felt it through her touch. She still wanted to believe.

On their way back to Sharon’s place Tarja promised Sharon to try to wash the scarf and get the blood stain off. Sharon just waved her hand telling that the scarf wasn’t that important to her. After a while of staring the road with blank eyes Tarja brought up the matter bothering her mind. Carefully she said:

“You were about to tell me something before the nurse interrupted. Could you tell it now perhaps?” Tarja was monitoring Sharon’s expression. She saw her body stiffening and the grip on the wheel tightening. First she didn’t say anything, just kept her eyes on the road but said then:

“It really…was nothing. You can forget about it.” It felt like Sharon had hit Tarja with a cold fish. Clearly Sharon had had something important to say, but now she was just brushing it off? As they were just about to arrive back to Sharon’s place, Tarja opened her mouth to protest, but had no chance to say anything when Sharon breathed:

“Oh no…” Tarja turned her head to see what was so horrible. There was someone standing on the pathway, but not actually just someone, it was Robert. Tarja felt a lump forming in her throat and as she gazed Sharon, her mood sank even more. Sharon was shivering heavily and stared at her ex-boyfriend with a horror in her eyes. Tarja knew she wasn’t in Robert’s favour, but Sharon’s reaction told everything about the situation. It was crappy for both of them but they had no chance other than to face it. Tarja was about to exit the car when Sharon grabbed her wrist into a firm grip saying:  
“You stay here.” Tarja looked confused and was about to ask why but the look in Sharon’s eyes made her to stay silent. She watched how Sharon got out of the car and kept wondering what was she up to. She could see Sharon speaking in a very intense and angry way to Robert, who was just listening and looking at Sharon calmly. For Tarja’s surprise, Robert suddenly opened his mouth, saying something back at Sharon and pointed at the car where Tarja was sitting in. Sharon turned her head and looked helplessly at Tarja as Robert walked to the car and opened the passenger side door.

“Good evening Tarja, long time no see.” He said, with a cold tone in his voice. Tarja swallowed and answered:

“H-hey Robert.”

“Why don’t we all go inside and have a little chat, shall we?”

They all sat in silence around Sharon’s kitchen table. The only noise in there was the clicking of the clock. Robert was staring at Tarja with a mischievous look on his face until he said:

“So Tarja, what brings you back? A holiday perhaps?”

“No. I came here to fix things.” Robert let out a loud sarcastic laugh, which startled both women.

“Fix things? Oh no honey, I think they are messed up for good!” Tarja stared at her hands on her lap and bit her lip. She was feeling confused, hurt and anxious. Suddenly Sharon spoke up.

“Robert, could you just leave this? I thought we were done with this subject. Why did you even come here?” Tarja lifted her gaze and saw how Sharon was clearly trying to act braver than she was. 

“Well, I heard the rumours that she was here… And I wanted to end this for myself once and for all. You see, you both messed up my life pretty badly.” Tarja had no time to ask Robert who was behind the rumours when Sharon said something in Dutch with a sparky and dangerous tone. That started a word war between the ex-couple, which lasted for several minutes. Tarja didn’t understand anything, but it was very clear to her that they wanted to cover up something from her. She started to feel annoyed, since this was actually a matter of hers too and she wasn’t too fond of those two keeping any things from her. She took a deep breath and then said with a loud voice:

“Enough. If you have something to say, say it so I can understand it too. I am involved in this too. So what are you two hiding from me?” Robert glanced at Sharon and then turned to face Tarja.

“Sharon here haven’t been completely honest with you.” At this point Sharon shouted:

“No! Robert you can’t!”

“At least she deserves to know how you’ve been betraying us all. You two tore apart together my life, but I do think Sharon is more responsible.” Tarja was completely lost and opened her mouth to ask Sharon what this all was when Sharon suddenly rose, fire and tears of anger in her eyes.

“Get out.” She spat behind her teeth.

“No I’m not…” Robert started with confidence but Sharon was within a split second next to Robert, and started to push this towards the kitchen door. Sharon yelled in Dutch and pushed while Robert tried to struggle. 

“GET. OUT. NOW!” Sharon yelled for the last time and pushed Robert so hard that he stumbled and nearly lost his balance. Robert looked at Sharon with a disappointment saying:

“Fine. I’m going, but let me tell you, you are destroying everything you touch.” Then he turned around and left. When the front door had closed behind Robert with a loud bang, a deafening silence fell. Tarja was absolutely shocked and wasn’t sure what she had just witnessed. Sharon stood in the middle of the kitchen, trembling and crying. Tarja walked next to her and asked carefully:

“Sharon… what is happening here?” Sharon turned to face Tarja. You could see there was a huge storm going inside her, which took everything it found. Sharon shook her head and said silently:  
“You better go too. “

“But I really want to sort this out!” Sharon turned her back to Tarja and started to walk away.

“There is nothing to sort out anymore. It’s all gone. Just go!” She shouted as her back disappeared into dark hallway. Tarja heard Sharon climbing upstairs, and closing her bedroom door behind her. Then all she could hear were Sharon’s loud sobs.

\---

An hour later Tarja found herself sitting on a bench near a children’s playground. The sun was already setting and the city around her was starting its nightlife. While she heard all the people passing her talking with joy, it felt like all her happiness had been sucked away. She hadn’t taken anything with her and she had no clue what to do or where to go. Her mind kept going through the same track all over again: What was Sharon hiding? Why did she react so weirdly? What was she going to do? Tarja sighed and leaned against the back of the bench. Even though Sharon had been yelling at her and been nasty, she was still caring about her. She was more worried than ever, and wanted to know everything behind this mess. Now she understood that the wound her and Sharon had created was deeper than she had expected. There was only one person right now who could give her all the answers, if she could just make him to talk. Tarja slid her hand into the pocket of her shorts and luckily found her cell phone from there. She bit her lip as she tried to search for Robert’s number. When they had all been in good terms ages ago, they had switched numbers, though Robert had laughed and said it was for emergencies only. If this wasn’t an emergency, then nothing was. Finally Tarja found the number and dialled. Her heart felt like it was going to escape from her chest, as it took a while to Robert to answer.

  
“What do you want?” She heard the harsh question.

“Robert, hi. First of all, I’m sorry for everything…”

“Yeah, but what do you really need?” Tarja took a deep breath and used the seconds to build up her confidence.

“I need answers and I want to hear your side of the story. Please tell me what’s going on here, I have to understand!”

There was a brief silence, until Robert sighed and said:

“She didn’t tell you anything, did she?”

“Nothing. Earlier today she tried, but then refused again. She kicked me out too.” Robert chuckled:  
“Which was somehow to be expected. Alright, if you want to poison yourself even more, meet me at the bar where we used to hang out. I’ll be waiting.” As the phone call ended, Tarja rose from the bench and started to run like her life was at stake.

_Overwhelming love_

_Heaven's just a feeling_

_Singing in my blood_

_Keeping me from kneeling_

_Tarja – Die Alive_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale.

When Tarja arrived to her destination, she was out of breath and sweaty. Few times she had to check the map on her phone for directions, since the last time she was there had been for a while ago. Before entering, she took a moment to take all in. This bar was the friendliest and warmest place she knew. So many nights she had ordered beer there with Sharon and had the time of her life. The atmosphere from the inside was leaking to the street as well, all the people who had come to smoke, were chatting cheerily. Right after walking in, she spotted the usual bartender and decided to order a beer and chips, since she hadn’t eaten for hours. The bartender greeted Tarja with a big smile, and Tarja tried to return the smile. He was chatty as always while filling the glass and getting the chips, asking if Tarja had been busy, since she hadn’t been there for a while. Tarja just nodded and took her finished order. She felt sorry for the guy, since she used to chat with him for long periods of time, but now she just wanted to focus on finding Robert. Not many minutes passed, when Tarja found him. He was sitting in their usual corner, sipping a beer with a grumpy look on his face. Without a word Tarja sat across from Robert and nodded to him. He nodded back and took another sip of his beer.

  
The man sitting in front of Tarja wasn’t the same Robert she used to know. He had been so kind, understanding and lovely, just like Sharon. The cold fear suddenly hit her: Tarja was the one who had caused the change so she really didn’t have a right to complain. She took few chips and munched them in silence. She tried to put her thoughts into a sensible order, but the more she tried, the more they escaped from her. Suddenly Robert spoke with lower voice than usual:

“Okay, so let’s get this over with. You want to know what Sharon’s hiding from you, right?”

Tarja nodded, swallowed and said:  
“Please tell me everything I don’t know.” Robert sighed, and leaned back on his seat. 

“That morning she came to me crying. It shocked me, since she had been away the whole night and hadn’t answered to any of my calls. I told the rest of the band to go ahead and so we sat down in our hotel room. For 20 minutes she couldn’t get her mouth open, but when she finally dropped the bomb, the truth, I went absolutely numb. Even though it didn’t come to me as a big surprise, I still couldn’t believe it. Then I became so furious, but not towards Sharon, towards you. And later on… I started to be angry at both of you.“ Robert said and looked Tarja straight into her eyes.

“What do you mean by it didn’t come as a surprise…?” Tarja asked curiously, but Robert continued like she hadn’t said anything.

“After we arrived back home, we barely spoke, though we both tried to go on as nothing had changed. But then… Sharon told that she couldn’t bare it anymore, she wanted to quit it all.”

“What? But Sharon told me you were the one who couldn’t take it and decided to part the ways. She blamed everything on me.” Tarja said, with an unbelieving tone.

“Well, now you see that she lied. That’s what I meant when I told you she wasn’t honest. I would’ve wanted to try, but she was done.” Tarja was completely perplexed, and it must have shown off her face, since Robert asked:

“Are you really wondering why she lied and tried to push you further away by blaming you? Don’t you already see it?” Tarja’s eyes widened when she came into a realisation of the situation. It shot her like thousand thunderbolts, leaving her completely dry-mouthed.

“D-do you mean she…?”

“Yes.” Robert said silently and continued: “It took me a while to see and believe it but when she finally yelled at me at the end of an argument that she had feelings for you and couldn’t bear being with me anymore, it hurt, but yet it was something I had been thinking of. Our relationship had changed during that time you spent with us.” Tears rose to Tarja’s eyes and she opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water. Robert looked so defeated, helpless and above all, heartbroken. 

“I-I’m so sorry Robert… I can’t even imagine… I’m so sorry.”

Robert wiped his face while shaking his head.

“We can’t do anything about this. I need to accept that she doesn’t love me anymore like she used to, that she fell for someone else. “

“I understand your anger and all the actions now… It was you who called Sharon this morning, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. I heard you were at her place and I wanted to see…” Robert’s voice faded away and he lowered his head.

“See what? And how did you know I was here?”

“Marcelo told me. He phoned me the day before you arrived that you had left and would most likely come here. He told me he still wanted you to be alright despite the divorce. And I needed to see whether… Sharon had already moved on with you, but I guess she’ll never admit that she loves you.”

Tarja clenched her fist and closed her eyes. The pub faded away and for a while she was alone in her own dark place. With a steady breathing she let all the information go over her like a tsunami. She had forgotten that Robert and Marcelo used to hang out sometimes. She also couldn’t be mad at Sharon for not telling about all she felt since Tarja hadn’t properly told her feelings. Tarja had never meant everything to go like this. It was like a bizarre dream, which just happened to be true. She opened her eyes and saw Robert staring at her.

“Now that you know everything, tell me something.” Robert said.

“What is it?”

“Do you love her back? Marcelo told me that he didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t love him.”

For the first time in this situation Tarja didn’t stutter, nor she had to think of what to say. All the words just flew out of her mouth.

“Yes. I love her.”

“Of course…” Robert mumbled and finished his beer.

“Guess you better go tell her.” He added bitterly and was about to get up when Tarja exclaimed:  
“Wait! Robert… I never imagined this would go like this. I want you to know I never planned to hurt anyone and I hope that some day we can still be friends. It will be hard but I know you are a great guy. You said some mean things to both of us, Sharon and me, but I still care about you. You will still remain as a friend to me.”

Robert stared at her, with a grim look on his face, but slowly Tarja saw his features softening and then he nodded.

“Just… take care of her. I won’t be responsible of my actions if you hurt her.”

“I promise. I won’t let anything to happen to her.” Tarja breathed, and as she saw Robert’s back disappearing out of the pub’s door, she felt the urge to run again.

So she was running through the streets again. When she had arrived, her steps had been wobbly, and thoughts uncertain, but this time every step she took was filled with strength. Once again people were staring at her, but she couldn’t care less, she just sprinted past them with a fire burning in her chest. At the end of the street she stopped to breathe and lean in to a lamp post. She saw the dark silhouette of Sharon’s house and guessed she must’ve still been upstairs, since there was no light coming out of the windows. After a while of catching breath she walked to the door and tried the handle; the door was open. Tarja sighed and thought how anyone could’ve walked in, though this time it was just an advantage to Tarja. It was pitch black and it took a while from her to find all the light switches. Then she carefully proceeded to upstairs. 

She stopped in front of Sharon’s bedroom door and inhaled. Then she cautiously opened the door and peeked inside. The room was dark, but the light coming from the hallway was bright enough to show her the edges of a lump, breathing steadily in sleep. Tarja knew Sharon was probably fine, but she still sneaked in to the room to have a better view. She put on the tiny lamp on Sharon’s nightstand and carefully sat beside her, on the other side of the bed. Sharon’s hair was tangled, and her make up was all over her cheeks. Yet she was the most beautiful sight Tarja had ever seen. After a while looking at her, Sharon started to move in her sleep. Then she wrinkled her nose, and let out a massive sneeze, which eventually woke her up. Tarja bit her lip so she wouldn’t laugh, since she found it cute and hilarious at the same time, that Sharon had actually woken up to her own sneeze. She still knew it wasn’t an appropriate thing to do. Sharon was blinking hard and was staring at Tarja with great confusion.

“Tarja…” She said with a hoarse voice, and then continued:  
“You came back.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, I know you wanted me to go but please… I want to say something.” Sharon didn’t say a thing, just stared at Tarja with a blank expression.

“I talked with Robert, and I know everything now.” Sharon let out a noise that was a mix between groan and whimper, burying her face to the pillow. She squeezed the pillow while murmuring:  
“I’m sorry I lied to you… I had no other choice. I chased you further and further away, because I know you must find this situation horrible. I’m terrible, I said tremendously awful things to you.”

“Sharon, my dearest…” Tarja sighed and went to lie down next to Sharon, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. Sharon turned her confused face towards the younger woman. Tarja gathered all her strength and bravery, pulling Sharon into a warm embrace. She felt how Sharon’s body was stiff, but as Tarja brushed Sharon’s hair behind her ear, she started to relax. Then she pulled her face a bit further away, looking straight into Sharon’s eyes. Then she spoke softly:  
“Now that I know how you feel… I can’t contain my feelings towards you any longer.” Sharon’s eyes widened and were filled with tears. She started to sob and tried to ask what she was talking about, but Tarja just pressed her lips against Sharon’s lips. In that moment, all the drama they had went through didn’t matter anymore. Sharon put her arm around Tarja, and squeezed her shirt like she never wanted to let go. Tarja held Sharon even closer and tighter, and though they stopped kissing she didn’t let her go. So many misunderstandings, so many tears, and so many words that were later regretted, but yet they were there, filled with new innocence.

_Love like a dancing fire,  
Untainted, blazing high.  
The power to dwell as one,  
Unchained, will not die._

Tarja – Eagle eye


End file.
